For some, dating can be a scary experience, but with the advent of new dating app technology, it's getting progressively easier to find your perfect match. So why not make dating a priority in 2018? With help from matchmaker and author Amari Ice and dating app Chappy, we're hoping finding "the one" is a resolution you're sure to keep.
Review Your Needs and Desires
In many cases, we know what we want but have no idea what we actually need from a partner in order to be happy long term. Before diving into the dating scene, review your previous experiences for what worked and what didn’t. I help clients get so clear about this that they know by the second date (usually on the first date) whether the person their dating is an excellent lover for them. (Reader’s can download my Lasting Love Toolkit which includes the Excellent Lover List exercise.)
Assess Your Love Patterns
Our love patterns are essentially the automatic programs that run when we get involved in romantic situations. More than anything else, our love patterns dictate the success or failure of our love lives. Awareness of your love patterns is the only way to assess whether they effectively support your happiness or not. If you’re having a hard time identifying or changing ineffective patterns, get help from a therapist or love coach. (Note: while there is some overlap between the two skill sets, counselors/therapists usually help clients make peace with the past. Coaches usually help create action plans to achieve future goals. For example, physical therapists help you recover from injury while fitness coaches help you accomplish body goals.)
You’ve probably seen or written dating profiles that list all the things the person isn’t into. This is actually the easier way to attract what you don't want. When dating, especially online, always and only describe the type of person you’re looking for. Your profile is essentially the job description for your ideal partner... it gives a little background on the company (i.e. you) and outlines the qualities of the best fit candidates. The man of your dreams only knows he’s the one to apply if you write the description specifically for him. Note: your clarity and positivity will not keep the trolls away (nothing keeps the trolls away honestly), but jaded negativity will keep the excellent lovers away.
Turn Up the Fun, Turn Down the Pressure
Dating is a game... not a game where you play with each other’s feelings, but a game where you strive to create a mutual experience where you both have as much fun as possible. Fun is what makes you want another date, and another, and eventually commitment. Pressure kills the fun and therefore kills your relationship potential. In other words, playfulness is conducive to love. Consider making “Love, Light, and Laughter” your dating mantra.
To find your perfect match in 2018, download Chappy, a gay-dating app that can help you start your search for Mr. Right.